weird
I've been remembering lots of dreams lately. I had a particularly strange one last night...

from my journal:

Last night i had a dream that i was back where i was born i n North Carolina. I was in a bar in a sad commercial strip in the middle of the campus i had played all through as a kid, red brick buildings and ivy and magnolia trees and all. A familiar face came up, in the bar, to me and my friends, i forget which friends now. She knew me but i didn't know her. She had dirty blonde hair and olive skin and a thin figure that screamed survival, beautiful and foreign and friendly. I struck up a conversation with her. It came out fairly quickly that apparently i had a baby with her? There was a moment where i was ridiculously confused. Nothing was there but the bar lights and her face, looking back at me and grinning, the grin fading, and then it all came back to me - i loved her, more than anything else i loved her and i had been searching for her for how long i dont know now. But the fact that i had a child seemed inconsequential compared ot that one fact, that i had FOUND her, she was right there infront of my eyes, my real eyes, and she seemed happy to see me. I was proud, i was a would be father and had i had a job in this dream i would have gone to work the next day grinning foolishly at all the tired coworkers i would be bothering. "I'm gonna be a daddy" i would say. so there i was, beaming at all these friends who i can't name or face, the love of my life newly found and everything perfect to the dream me, and all i could think about is going out. Just picking up my lover and bolting out somewhere else, where i cant remember. It's all slipping away now, but out..

I think i got called into the dentist at that point? I dont know why this dream was so weird.. after typing that shit out it isnt really extraordinary in any way.. it just struck me this morning and gave me a stomach ache for half the day. So anyway i have a cavity that i'm getting filled on friday (boo) and my wisdom teeth are getting pulled next wednesday (BOO) and i need to get my drivers liscence renewed or i wont make it across the border (boo) and newbury park is a very very difficult place to find friends to spend time with that dont act weird around you or avoid you because you aren't drinking (BOOOO). In a side note spending time with my family rules, amory is down here and that rules, and talking with people you used to see every day but haven't in weeks rules. bulldozing a community farm to build a wal-mart sucks. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. fuck. that news gave me the 2nd half of my stomach ache day. ugh.